my dear roses,
this entry now might become a bit emotional...
A boy "Mr.Sim" (for whom I had once feelings- but they're all gone now) want to meet with me but he always treated me like shit and was so bad to me. I told my boyfriend about it and he was angry at the whole situation- and I really understand it. I always forgive people (especially those who don't deserve it). Why? I have the feeling, that they need my fogiveness...that I'm their hero, that they need me. But they don't. They just will use my goodness. My boyfriend worries about me...but he doesn't understand me. He doesn't understand the situation. I think the meeting tomorrow will be very weird. But I need to see him...I need to talk to him, I don't want him to get lost under all his false friends. I don't know if I want to be a friend of him, because this will mean to risk my heart again...but I kinda like risking my heart. Let's see what happens tomorrow. I think everyone deserves chances...a lot of them. I can't tell you exactly how many but you know that doesn't matter... it's not about numbers.

I feel alone...but there are so many people who want to meet, write or speak with me. Instead of trying to stay in contact with everyone I'm staying on my own in my little bedroom suffering from loneliness. It's just stupid. My ex boyfriend wants to meet with me but the problem is that it will just make me sad. I'm over him as a boyfriend but I'm not over him as a friend. We were like best friends, we saw each other so often and we did everything together. I miss a boy being my friend, taking part of my daily life,...
My boyfriend now is the best man I can imagine. He is so nice, kind, intelligent and funny....but I want him by my side. I don't want him to be far away in Germany....why, when people are ment to be together, why does distance separe them?