Winter is a strange time...on the one hand I love winter- the white landscapes, the silence, the smell,...but on the other hand
winter is a time in which I become kinda depressive. Like a blanket the sadness overcomes me and I don't know why.

I met up with this boy today but it wasn't very nice. After this I met up with my best friend Jolie and it was just perfect...she lights up my whole little world. I think if there's a heaven she will be there immediately and getting a Job as an angel there. She is an angel...and I love her.
We laid in her bed laughing and talking about everything...
What I like most about her is that she loves everything at me. And by the way she looks at me I get the chance to become or be exactly the person I want to be: me, well my best version. It's never wasted in her presence.

Winter might become a hard time now, because of my sadness...but she will be my hope. My boyfriend too, but he is so far away...it hurts sometimes.
To be honest sometimes I don't believe in the sense of this kind of relationship, but everything is possible. I will fight like i fighted for everything before...he deserves it the most. He deserves to be fighted for, but maybe he deserves a better girlfriend than me. I wish I had spend all my love and energy just on him...I'm exhausted.

sleep well my flowers,
Nives

my dear roses,
this entry now might become a bit emotional...
A boy "Mr.Sim" (for whom I had once feelings- but they're all gone now) want to meet with me but he always treated me like shit and was so bad to me. I told my boyfriend about it and he was angry at the whole situation- and I really understand it. I always forgive people (especially those who don't deserve it). Why? I have the feeling, that they need my fogiveness...that I'm their hero, that they need me. But they don't. They just will use my goodness. My boyfriend worries about me...but he doesn't understand me. He doesn't understand the situation. I think the meeting tomorrow will be very weird. But I need to see him...I need to talk to him, I don't want him to get lost under all his false friends. I don't know if I want to be a friend of him, because this will mean to risk my heart again...but I kinda like risking my heart. Let's see what happens tomorrow. I think everyone deserves chances...a lot of them. I can't tell you exactly how many but you know that doesn't matter... it's not about numbers.

I feel alone...but there are so many people who want to meet, write or speak with me. Instead of trying to stay in contact with everyone I'm staying on my own in my little bedroom suffering from loneliness. It's just stupid. My ex boyfriend wants to meet with me but the problem is that it will just make me sad. I'm over him as a boyfriend but I'm not over him as a friend. We were like best friends, we saw each other so often and we did everything together. I miss a boy being my friend, taking part of my daily life,...
My boyfriend now is the best man I can imagine. He is so nice, kind, intelligent and funny....but I want him by my side. I don't want him to be far away in Germany....why, when people are ment to be together, why does distance separe them?